Getting older should mean getting wiser, right? Well, I hate to admit it, but a few months ago, my wife Linda sat me down and gently told me I’d been “a bit prickly lately.” That’s Linda-speak for “you’re becoming a grumpy old man and need to check yourself.”
That conversation stung, but it also got me thinking. After thirty-eight years of marriage, if she’s noticing changes in how I interact with people, maybe others are too. So I did some soul-searching, talked it through in therapy (yes, this sixty-something finally started going), and realized there were indeed some patterns I’d fallen into without even noticing.
The truth is, as we age, we can develop habits that push people away without realizing it. And trust me, recognizing these signs in yourself isn’t always comfortable. But if you’re willing to take an honest look in the mirror, you might just save some important relationships.
1. You interrupt people constantly because you “know better”
After thirty years in human resources, I thought I’d heard every workplace problem imaginable. So when my younger son started venting about his boss, I kept cutting him off with solutions before he’d even finished explaining the situation.
“Dad, I just need you to listen,” he finally said, frustrated.
Ouch. When did I become that guy who assumes he knows everything? Experience is valuable, sure, but constantly interrupting others because you think you have all the answers is a quick way to shut down meaningful conversations.
The hard truth? People don’t always want our wisdom. Sometimes they just want to be heard. And when we constantly jump in with our “expertise,” we’re basically telling them their thoughts don’t matter as much as ours do.
2. You’ve stopped being curious about other people’s lives
Remember when you used to ask follow-up questions when someone shared something with you? When did that stop?
I noticed this one during a family dinner when my daughter-in-law was talking about her new job. Instead of asking her about it, I immediately launched into a story about my own career. Later, Linda pointed out I’d done the same thing three times that evening.
As we get older, we accumulate so many stories and experiences that we can relate everything back to ourselves. But when every conversation becomes a launching pad for our own memories, we stop truly connecting with others. We become that person who waits for their turn to talk rather than actually listening.
3. You complain about everything being different from “the good old days”
“Music was better in our day.”
“People had more respect back then.”
“Technology is ruining everything.”
Sound familiar? I caught myself saying variations of these things weekly. While nostalgia is natural, constantly comparing everything to how things used to be makes you exhausting to be around, especially for younger people.
My wake-up call came when my granddaughter rolled her eyes and said, “Grandpa, you always say that.” She was right. I’d become a broken record of complaints about modern life.
Yes, times change. But refusing to see any value in new ways of doing things doesn’t make you wise; it makes you rigid and difficult.
4. You’ve become inflexible about your routines
When did I become so set in my ways that any deviation from my routine felt like a personal attack?
Last month, friends wanted to try a new restaurant for our monthly dinner. My immediate reaction? Irritation. Why change what works? We always go to the same place, sit at the same table, order similar meals.
But here’s what I’ve learned in therapy: rigidity isn’t just about preferring routine. It’s about fear. Fear of change, fear of losing control, fear of the unknown. And when we let that fear dictate our actions, we become difficult for others who might want spontaneity or variety in their relationships with us.
5. You dismiss people’s problems as “not real problems”
“You think that’s stressful? Try dealing with what we went through at your age.”
I cringe remembering how many times I’ve said something like this. When my son was anxious about buying his first house, I brushed off his concerns because “interest rates were 18% when I bought my first place.”
Comparing struggles isn’t helpful. It’s dismissive. Just because we’ve faced different or arguably harder challenges doesn’t mean other people’s problems aren’t valid. When we constantly one-up others with our own hardships, we’re not being supportive; we’re being competitive about suffering.
6. You’ve stopped making an effort with your appearance or social graces
“I’ve earned the right to not care what people think.”
That was my motto for a while. Stopped dressing up for dinners out. Figured people should accept me as I am. Started speaking my mind without any filter because “I’m too old to pretend.”
But there’s a difference between being authentic and being inconsiderate. When we stop making any effort, we’re basically saying the people around us aren’t worth it. That’s not honesty; it’s laziness dressed up as authenticity.
7. You refuse to admit when you’re wrong
This one hits close to home. Somewhere along the line, I started believing that admitting mistakes meant losing respect. Maybe it’s because after decades of life experience, we feel we should have things figured out by now.
But doubling down when you’re wrong doesn’t make you look strong; it makes you look stubborn and insecure. I’ve noticed younger colleagues at volunteer meetings exchange glances when I dig in my heels over something trivial. That’s never a good sign.
As I’ve mentioned before, vulnerability isn’t weakness. It takes real strength to say, “You know what? I was wrong about that.”
8. You’ve stopped maintaining friendships that require effort
Three years ago, I lost my best friend to cancer. We’d been planning a fishing trip for “next year” for about five years running. There’s no next year now.
That loss taught me something crucial: relationships require active maintenance. Yet somewhere in my sixties, I’d stopped putting in effort with friends. If they didn’t call, neither did I. If plans required driving more than twenty minutes, I’d find an excuse.
Now I see how many connections I’ve let wither because I couldn’t be bothered. “They know where to find me” became my attitude. But friendship is a two-way street, regardless of age.
Closing thoughts
Recognizing these signs in myself hasn’t been easy. Some days, I still catch myself falling into old patterns. But awareness is the first step toward change, even for us older folks who might be a bit set in our ways.
The question is: what patterns have you fallen into without realizing it? Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we’re never too old to grow, change, and become better company for the people who matter most.
